semperfiona: (demon baby)
This morning on the way to the Y, Rosa announced, "Every time a girl doesn't finish her salad, God kills a carrot." I snerfled. Then she said, "I don't get it."

I was at a loss to explain all the ways that statement was Funny!Wrong. I had to fall back on, "It's kind of a joke."

I really didn't want to bring up the original; not because I was worried about explaining masturbation--although there wouldn't have been time to get into that conversation anyway--but because I didn't want her to internalize the message of the original statement without any irony.

***
A little later, we said something about Congress and laws. I don't remember what the context was, but it was something she reacted to by saying, "If they do [whatever it was], I would do this," and made a weird face.

I said I didn't think that would be an effective debate tactic in Congress. She said people would yell at her. I said, "Or they'd snark at you, like I just did." Then I had to explain what snark means. "Sarcasm," I said. "It's a verb for making sarcastic comments." 'Sarcasm', she understands.
semperfiona: (entitlement couch)
Late last night, my sleepy brain came up with this phrase: "entitlement couch". It's a red velvet fainting couch, that one swoons onto when stapling one's hand to one's forehead is insufficiently dramatic to portray the outrageous slings and arrows one is suffering.
semperfiona: (name cats)
Ya gotta give the Duggars some small credit: it took them seventeen kids' names starting with J before they got to "Jennifer".

Not saying anything about spending 12 YEARS PREGNANT...well, anything else, anyway.
semperfiona: (work motto)
Mark> "Wanna play the $COMPANY game?"
Me> "Is that the one where I tell you it's someone else's fault?"
semperfiona: (Default)
Dear corporate email sender:

If you have to tell me why I'm receiving mail from you, I don't want it.
semperfiona: (work motto)
Will it be corn nuts or cake?
semperfiona: (higgledy piggledy)
Nosily posily
Homeland Security
Agents find terrorists
Too hard to hook;

Concentrate efforts on
Antipornography,
Cameras, stickers and
Readers of books.

I've been trying and failing for weeks to come up with a double dactyl about Cheney's hunting accident "Pellet Surprise", so I leave it to you as a challenge.

In a second challenge: I can't find the story I meant to link on "books". A guy was reading a book in the airport with cover art of sticks of dynamite, and the airline refused to let him fly. He came back the next day with the latest Harry Potter, but they still wouldn't honor his ticket.
semperfiona: (demon baby)
Anyone else notice that this is the second Bush to have vice-presidential issues related to quayle?
semperfiona: (Default)
On sight of a van plastered in fundie bumper stickers (frex, "The Big Bang theory [is stupid]: an explosion in a printing shop would not create a dictionary"):

Isn't it nice when the crackpots are labeled?
semperfiona: (Default)
Bosses are going around the office handing out the company Christmas
present (a logo tote bag). Gave one to the woman across from me and one
to everyone nearby, but walked right past me.

ETA: I just got one. The boss came back by and I asked about it. There was apparently a shortage, but I got one that had been allocated to someone who's out on disability currently. The rest will be arriving next week.
semperfiona: (Default)
Nine days? He got a new job and held it for exactly nine days? An organ
grinder's monkey ought to be able to keep a job writing reports for
longer than nine days!
semperfiona: (work motto)
You're supposed to be editing my document for grammaticality and
spelling. Don't take correct sentences and make them wrong!
semperfiona: (Default)
A meme from [livejournal.com profile] havocthecat...

Pick three characters from fiction, TV or movies. I have to choose one
to shag, one to marry, and one to push off a cliff.
semperfiona: (Default)
#1

Dear Self:

Campbell's Soup in Hand New England Clam Chowder tastes mostly like
cream of mushroom except chewier. It's not worth the effort. More to the
point, it's a great disappointment for a clam chowder fan. Don't buy it
again.

Signed,
Me
#2
Dear Self: Remember, they're in California for gods' sake, it's not that
late there yet, and she's been in the habit of calling around 4:30 cst.
Calm down.

Signed,
Impatient Me

Meow!

Feb. 2nd, 2005 10:37 am
semperfiona: (Default)
From: [techie project manager]
Just because he doesn't understand our data model doesn't mean there are
data integrity problems!

From: [customer IT person]
Sent: Wednesday, February 02, 2005 8:25 AM
To: [non-techie vice president], thence forwarded to several others...

My concern is that we have two tables with the same field names and
different information in each creating a data integrity
problem.
Unfortunately, it doesn't mean there aren't, either. As it
happens, in this case, he found a real data problem. The fields have
different purposes, so that for some users different data is correct,
but in his case they should be the same. However, it's all old data,
created before they went live on our software. It was either screwed up
in the conversion process or it was bad before.

We get similar complaints occasionally. Last time it was a complete
misunderstanding of the tables' purpose, and all the data was valid.
semperfiona: (Default)
There's a guy in my office whose wife just had their tenth child.

There's a minivan in the parking lot plastered with anti-abortion bumperstickers. "Smile, your mom is pro-life." "Children are a gift from God."

Today, I ascertained that the two facts are related.
semperfiona: (Default)
This is great...(stolen from Sarah Bear and tikilist)World Wizard Federation Magic Smackdown?
semperfiona: (Default)
One other good quote I just wrote in a card for Jen. The card says: "Men are like parking spaces. The good ones are either too small or already taken." For some reason we've been joking about small penises lately: the last man she went out with had a really tiny one. Anyway I added this quote to the card: "If brevity is the soul of wit, your penis must be a riot."
semperfiona: (Default)
"May your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions."

That's a curse, that is, and a singularly well-expressed one. It gives one the choice between being a happy failure and a miserable success. What kind of church wishes that on innocent passersby?
semperfiona: (Default)
After lying awake in bed for far too long, I gave up. Got up and fixed myself a rum and coke. Now it's a contest: will the rum send me to sleep or the coke keep me awake? Stay tuned...;-)

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