(no subject)

I've been feeling a lot of mommy guilt lately, what with three nights a
week away at derby practice, and fatigued Leave Me Alone Syndrome much
of the rest of the time, on top of the everyday long days at work. So
tonight will be Mommy Mommy Day. I'm skipping derby practice and staying
home to do what Rosa wants to do, whatever that may be. It will probably
include taking a bath together, maybe coloring the fuzzy poster she got
me for Christmas, doing puzzles or playing a game. Ooh, sudoku! We
haven't done sudoku together for ages!

I hope if I can consistently make some time to dedicate just to her that
we'll be okay with less non-quality time together. The guilt has been
building up for some time, although the addition of even more busy-ness
to my schedule recently has brought it to a head.

I miss the weekly dinner dates that she and I used to have when I picked
her up from Grandma's on Tuesdays, back before she started school. So
much about our lives is better now, but we had a lot more one-on-one
time back then, and I miss it. I blame myself, partly, because it seems
to me that I used to be a lot better about playing with her when we
*were* together, but I seem to have started telling her to go play by
herself more and more. I do realize that she's a lot older now, and
playing by herself is something she needs to learn, but I think she's
lonely. She doesn't have very many friends outside school, and again
this is something I blame my busy schedule for: I don't get home in time
to let her play with neighbors before it's already bedtime, and weekends
are full of errands and obligations.

Sigh.