Two letters to Carolyn about terrible parents
Oct. 15th, 2025 01:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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agonyaunt1. Hi, Carolyn: I grew up in a very image-conscious family. I’ve always been “bigger,” which bothered my parents a lot. They were always on my case to lose weight, although it wasn’t having health impacts and I don’t have issues with physical fitness. Now that Ozempic is a thing, they have been dropping hints about that, too. I’ve tried gently having conversations about how their comments are hurtful, but they — especially my mom — get hostile and tell me I don’t know what I’m talking about. (They aren’t great at emotional discussions.)
I love myself generally and think I’m a cool person. But I’m in my early 30s, and I’ve never been in a relationship. I really don’t get romantic attention. I’ve been on a handful of dates from apps. This is hard. I naturally wonder whether my weight is the problem. But I can’t bear the idea that my parents were right this whole time, and I don’t want to hear the inevitable I-told-you-so’s if I do end up trying Ozempic.
I know a reasoned conversation isn’t going to stop them. And I know internally it’s going to kill me if I lose weight and start getting more attention; were they right and I was really that ugly this entire time? I have no idea how to wrap my mind around this problem. I’ve had a string of really unhelpful therapists, generally saying, “You’re not ugly, but you need years of therapy to heal ALL your childhood trauma and then maybe you’ll be able to find a relationship!” and I need a break from that.
Do you have any advice?
( Read more... )
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2. Dear Carolyn: My sister and I had a really difficult childhood, but she definitely had it tougher than I did. For very good reasons, she severed all ties with our mom over 20 years ago, and, based on the way things happened, her daughters also chose to sever all ties with their grandmother.
My sister and I also were estranged for many years, but about six years ago, we rebuilt our relationship from the ground up and we are the best of friends now. That is, until Mom died a few weeks ago. My mom left her home and its contents to me. She was very clear on her wishes that I sell the home and split the money between my two children. It will be a significant amount of money. She left my sister a third of all remaining assets, which are minimal.
My sister is livid about the terms of the will, feeling like it was just another way to send her a message that she didn’t matter to our mom. I don’t know what Mom was thinking. If memory serves, she didn’t want to leave my sister entirely out of the will, but this has actually turned out to be worse.
This whole legal journey through probate is going to just keep taking my sister back to a past with ugly memories and lots of pain. How do I navigate this and keep my relationship with her? Do I reconsider how to allocate the money from the house to make things more fair — but go against my mom’s specific wishes?
( Read more... )
I love myself generally and think I’m a cool person. But I’m in my early 30s, and I’ve never been in a relationship. I really don’t get romantic attention. I’ve been on a handful of dates from apps. This is hard. I naturally wonder whether my weight is the problem. But I can’t bear the idea that my parents were right this whole time, and I don’t want to hear the inevitable I-told-you-so’s if I do end up trying Ozempic.
I know a reasoned conversation isn’t going to stop them. And I know internally it’s going to kill me if I lose weight and start getting more attention; were they right and I was really that ugly this entire time? I have no idea how to wrap my mind around this problem. I’ve had a string of really unhelpful therapists, generally saying, “You’re not ugly, but you need years of therapy to heal ALL your childhood trauma and then maybe you’ll be able to find a relationship!” and I need a break from that.
Do you have any advice?
( Read more... )
2. Dear Carolyn: My sister and I had a really difficult childhood, but she definitely had it tougher than I did. For very good reasons, she severed all ties with our mom over 20 years ago, and, based on the way things happened, her daughters also chose to sever all ties with their grandmother.
My sister and I also were estranged for many years, but about six years ago, we rebuilt our relationship from the ground up and we are the best of friends now. That is, until Mom died a few weeks ago. My mom left her home and its contents to me. She was very clear on her wishes that I sell the home and split the money between my two children. It will be a significant amount of money. She left my sister a third of all remaining assets, which are minimal.
My sister is livid about the terms of the will, feeling like it was just another way to send her a message that she didn’t matter to our mom. I don’t know what Mom was thinking. If memory serves, she didn’t want to leave my sister entirely out of the will, but this has actually turned out to be worse.
This whole legal journey through probate is going to just keep taking my sister back to a past with ugly memories and lots of pain. How do I navigate this and keep my relationship with her? Do I reconsider how to allocate the money from the house to make things more fair — but go against my mom’s specific wishes?
( Read more... )
