semperfiona | Reading

ysobel posting in

Dear Miss Manners: What is the polite way to eat large sushi rolls? Sometimes they’re too big to comfortably eat whole without gagging!

Dissect them.

Miss Manners does not usually condone deconstructing food in public, but these are desperate times. Use your chopsticks to pull out the insides and eat them separately. Then either squish the remaining rice and seaweed together and eat it in two bites or use the side of the chopstick to cut it in half.

Perhaps the sight of their beautiful creations being desecrated will inspire the chefs to make more manageable bites. Or at least have them wonder why everyone is suddenly ordering them as takeout instead.

conuly posting in

agonyaunt

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend and I were watching a popular TV series together. The show is based on high schoolers who struggle with substance use disorder, mental health, anger management, sexual exploitation and more. We both were making comments regarding our shock throughout the episodes, but at some point, my friend looked over to me and said he feels sorry for my future children. I was wounded. That is such a strong statement.

I tried to unpack with him what he had said, but I didn't get far. He shared that he thought my expectations were too aggressive and that no kid will be able to thrive around me. I think of parenting as a balance between structure and vulnerability, and I've always hoped I will be an honest and understanding mom. Neither of us has children, by the way.

I want my friend to know his harsh critiques impacted me and that he should be more mindful with his opinions in the future. Is it even worth revisiting this conversation? -- Bad Mom

( Read more... )

conuly posting in

agonyaunt

1. Dear Eric: For the last 45 years or so I’ve hosted Thanksgiving for my family. I’ve had as many as 25 people. My sister has two sons, and they’ve always stayed with me. Quite frankly, it’s now an issue. Only one son comes but he now has three sons of his own, ranging from 22 to 8. My sister also stays with me. They come on Wednesday and stay till Friday. It’s a lot considering all I have to do for the holiday.

I know if I say something about a hotel, they will be highly insulted.

My daughter also comes and stays, but that’s different. She’s one person and my daughter. Advice?

– Overwhelmed

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2. Dear Prudence,

My brother has good relationships with everybody but refuses to be part of Thanksgiving, Christmas, or large group events because he says that while he loves us individually, we’re a nightmare collectively. I get it and, frankly, I would love to do the same—my parents and wider family are lovely but bicker and squabble when they get together, particularly over politics, which gets ever uglier. But I also know that my family finds his attitude deeply hurtful. I’m stuck between wanting to opt out myself or trying to persuade him to change his mind because I can see how sad it makes my mother. My instinct is to stay out of it; we’re all adults. But I also feel a bit jealous and miffed. Is there a way forward?

—Stuck in the Middle

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3. Dear A.J.,

My husband’s brother, “George,” is a recovering alcoholic. He’s been sober for eight months. The thing is, Thanksgiving is coming up, and we’ve always served wine with dinner.

My husband thinks it would be completely inappropriate for us to do so this year because George is coming over, and he doesn’t want him to be “tempted.” I understand that George is going to be battling his alcoholism for the rest of his life, but at the same time, he can’t expect the world around him to be dry everywhere he goes and needs to be able to navigate settings where alcohol is served. This is turning into a sticking point between my husband and me. Is my husband right? Am I being thoughtless?

—Warring Over Wine

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conuly posting in

agonyaunt

1. Dear Eric: I am in my late 30s. I live halfway across the country from my parents, and don't have the best relationship with them. I also have a brother four years younger than me who I have been estranged from for 20 years.

My brother doesn't live with my parents, but he lives in the same city my parents do. If I visit, my parents will tell him and have him come over. I have no intentions of reconciling with him, as he did some horrible things to me 20 years ago which I can never forgive him for.

With my parents, things don't get through unless I take drastic measures. How do I go about conveying my desires not to see him? My plan would be to tell them they have to tell him he can't come to their house while I'm there, and if they don't respect my wishes, I simply won't see them. And that my parents can't just say they want to see me and not respect my conditions for the visit. I wanted your perspective on how I can "lay down the law" and enforce it.

– Unwelcome Home

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*****

2. Dear Annie: I'm 28 and recently moved back in with my parents to save money after a tough breakup. I'm grateful for the support, but I'm having trouble with my mom's behavior. She constantly comments on my weight, how I dress, or how much I'm on my phone. Last week, she said I'd have "better luck" if I wore makeup and "put myself out there more."

I've tried brushing it off, but it's starting to wear me down. I've asked her, gently, to stop making comments about my appearance, but she just laughs and says she's "trying to help." My dad usually stays quiet or tells me not to be so sensitive.

I really want to move out, but I can't afford to just yet. Do I have to suffer through the next few months or is there a way to get through to her? -- Tired Daughter in Transition

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3. Dear Annie: My wife and I visit our daughter, son-in-law and granddaughter two or three times a year for about three days each visit. It's a five- to six-hour drive for us. Both my wife and I have severe asthma primarily from cat allergies, and we struggle with wheezing and irritated eyes every time we visit. My SIL has cat allergies, too.

Recently, their cat died (finally), and I urged my daughter to consider not getting another one. I explained our situation clearly, stating that if she did so, we'd have to stay at a hotel or B&B during future visits. She just got two more cats.

What would you think? -- Allergic and Angry

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4. Dear Annie: My husband, "Keith," and I have been married for 12 years. We've always been a team when it comes to parenting our two kids, ages 9 and 6, but lately I've noticed a shift. Keith has become increasingly harsh with them, especially our oldest, "Ben." He'll snap over small things -- like a jacket left on the floor or a missed chore -- and his tone has turned cold and critical.

I've brought it up several times, but Keith insists he's "just trying to teach them responsibility." I understand that, but I worry he's doing more harm than good. Ben has started shutting down emotionally, and our younger one is now walking on eggshells.

When I try to step in and soften things, Keith accuses me of "undermining" him. I'm stuck between protecting my kids and maintaining a united front as parents. I've suggested counseling, but he refuses, saying we don't need it.

How do I support my children without turning this into a bigger conflict between me and my husband? And how do I get Keith to see that his approach may be damaging? -- Worried Wife and Mom

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5. Dear Care and Feeding,

I was once an academic competition prodigy. I was one word away from making the National Spelling Bee. My family would always attend these events, including my sister. However, when my sister started her own events, like the middle school choir, my disdain for attending was quite obvious through my groans and moans. I was a high schooler myself and quite self-centered. At her graduation, I volunteered not to go and opted instead to meet them at the restaurant where we would be celebrating.

I was 100 percent wrong for doing this. Now I am two years out of college, and my sister is almost done with her undergraduate degree. Since then, we haven’t really talked, though things are mostly cordial between us. I can count the conversations I’ve had with her since I turned 18 on one hand. My sister frequently states that when she makes it out, she probably will be a stranger to the family, and she doesn’t respond a lot to my parents or other family when they contact her. I admit that we don’t have many common interests, and I don’t know much about her, but it feels wrong not to be close to your own sister. Is there anything I can do, or is this relationship beyond repair?

—Is There a Chance?

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*****

6. Dear Care and Feeding,

In the ‘70s and ‘80s, my learning disabilities were undiagnosed, and I was the “stupid” one in the family. As an adult, I know myself to be very intelligent, but my siblings never realized this, and they have passed on their attitudes to their school-age children.

The kids do not believe me when I speak to them about current events or anything fact-based. When they ask an adult at large to spell something, and I reply, they check my response with another adult. I told one of them a medical fact, and they told me flatly that their parent was much, much smarter, and their parent said otherwise, so I must be wrong. (The fact that I do not work due to a medical issue probably contributes to their perception of me as extremely unintelligent.)

My siblings think this is hilarious. I am hurt. I want to have a relationship with the kids while I still can. I have tried explaining learning disabilities and multiple intelligences to the kids, but I think they just see it as me lecturing them. I only see them every few months anyway. Is this battle even worth fighting? If so, how?

—The Uncle

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*****

7. DEAR HARRIETTE: How do I get someone who believes in tough love to understand that that does not resonate with me? For a long time, my siblings and I have had strained relationships with our mom because of how crass she can be. She has strong and often negative opinions, and she is not shy about sharing them. I was recently admitted to a two-year college. I am in my late 20s and didn't prioritize college when I was 18 like my parents wanted.

Apparently, there's still some resentment there, because when I announced which school I'd be going to, my mom snickered and asked me if I was proud of that school. When she realized that she had offended me, she said that she was trying to encourage me. I can't keep letting her impose her negativity on me. Mocking me is NOT encouragement. I don't know how to get her to see that, though. -- Never Good Enough

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8. DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently got into a heated argument with my dad, and it's been bothering me ever since. The fight started when I told him I wanted to move to a different city for a job opportunity. He criticized my decision, saying I was being reckless and that I should stay closer to home where things are "safe" and familiar. I tried to explain why this move was important for my career and independence, but he kept bringing up past choices he didn't agree with, like leaving my old job and choosing a career path he hadn't expected. Before I knew it, I was yelling back, telling him that I need to make my own decisions and that his constant criticism feels controlling.

We haven't spoken in a few days, and I feel a mix of frustration, guilt and sadness. I love my dad and value his opinion, but I feel like he doesn't trust me to make my own choices. I want to reach out and repair our relationship, but I don't want to be the only one apologizing if he doesn't acknowledge his role in the argument. How do I approach him in a way that expresses my feelings honestly while also opening the door for reconciliation? Is it possible to set boundaries and stand firm on my decisions without damaging our relationship further? -- Dad Divide

( Read more... )

conuly posting in

agonyaunt

Dear Eric: Over the course of our 26-year marriage I have caught my wife in numerous lies. We started marriage counseling three months ago and during an early session I asked if we could finally be truthful with each other, no more lies. No such luck.

Years ago, her brother suddenly fled and left all his belongings. She put them in storage but when I found out I told her to remove them or have him pay the monthly fee. Today I discovered she has been paying for her brother’s monthly storage bill for at least 10 years without my knowledge. That comes to $16,500. It may even be higher.

Initially she said she was being reimbursed. I asked for proof. She said she would show me. Then she changed her story to say it's her money and she can spend it however she chooses, so forget the proof. Pretty sure there never was any proof of reimbursement. My wife believes the best defense is to go on the offense, and she does it a lot.

I am married to a liar, a sneak, someone with no conscience. What should I do?

– Deceived Again

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conuly posting in

agonyaunt

My 5-year-old daughter, “Wren,” has been a nail-biter for the past six months. Nothing my husband and I tried could break her of the habit. Then miraculously, she stopped. When I mentioned my relief to my mother-in-law, she took credit for it. Then she told me her “solution.”

She told Wren that her hair would fall out if she kept biting her nails! I’m not sure how to feel about this. On the one hand, I’m pissed my mother-in-law would lie to my daughter. On the other hand, it worked. Do I need to tell Wren the truth, or can my husband and I (at least for the time being) keep up the ruse?

—Something to Chew On

( WTF )

conuly posting in

agonyaunt

Dear Carolyn: I recently completed a major renovation project to my backyard, and my mother expressed disappointment that I haven’t invited her over to see it. I told her I was waiting to do a big unveiling, but the truth — which I confessed to my brother — is that I’m anxious about her opinion because she and I have different tastes.

She is the type of person who will always compliment you verbally, but you can often tell by her expression how she really feels. I described her as rather fake, but my brother said I am being unfair. He pointed out that I could be accused of being equally judgmental by holding against someone not their words and actions, but my own belief about what’s going on inside their head, whether or not it’s true. I had never thought of it that way.

My brother never seems to care about other people’s opinions. I’d like to try his mindset, which seems very freeing, but I don’t know how. It’s especially hard to embrace the idea that I’m supposed to just let it slide when I feel silently critiqued or when someone is only being nice to my face.

Am I oversensitive? Then what’s the right level of sensitivity? Any tips for me?

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anais_pf posting in

thefridayfive

These questions were originally suggested by

alysonl.

1. What's one of the nicest things a friend has ever done for you?

2. What's one of the nicest things a stranger has ever done for you?

3. What is a trait in another person that you instantly admire, and that draws you to them?

4. What is a trait in another person that instantly repels you, and prevents you from forming a close relationship with them?

5. Time to vent: tell us about something rotten someone has done to you.

Copy and paste to your own journal, then reply to this post with a link to your answers. If your journal is private or friends-only, you can post your full answers in the comments below.

friendlymetalhead posting in

fandomcalendar

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wintermod posting in

fandomcalendar

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minoanmiss posting in

agonyaunt

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Current Mood: amused

minoanmiss posting in

agonyaunt

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Current Mood: annoyed

minoanmiss posting in

agonyaunt

AAM was exciting recently!

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Current Mood: curious

dancing_serpent posting in

c_ent

Welcome to Topic Tuesday! Right away I want to stress that discussion posts are always welcome to the community, you don't have to wait until a Topic Tuesday rolls around, and then maybe be disappointed by the current topic of discussion. Whenever you want to talk about something, please simply make a separate entry to this comm, no matter the week, the time, or the topic. All right? *g*

The topic I picked for today is Character Recasts. So, that drama you loved gets another season, but they don't get all the original actors back. This franchise you're watching regularly switches out actors left and right. How do you feel about that? Does it bother you or not? Do you maybe even like it?

As usual, if you want to talk about spoilers, please use one of these codes to hide them.

or

shouldnabee posting in

fandomcalendar

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tarlanx posting in

c_ent

Title: Gut Instinct
Author: Tarlan (

tarlanx)
Fandom: Word of Honor (TV 2021)
Pairing/Characters: Gu Xiang & Wen Kexing, Wen Kexing/Zhou Zishu
Rating/Category: PG13 GEN
Word Count: 993
Summary: He relied upon his gut instinct to keep him and the ones he loved alive.

On AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/71230266

spikedluv posting in

fandomcalendar

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tarlanx posting in

c_ent

Title: Resting here With You
Author: Tarlan (

tarlanx)
Fandom: Yin Yáng Shi | The Yin-yang Master (Movies - Guo Jingming)
Pairing/Characters: Boya/Qingming
Rating/Category: PG SLASH
Word Count: 730
Summary: Resting with Qingming was far more pleasant than resting alone.

On AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/73395976

dancing_serpent posting in

c_ent

The weekly chat posts are intended for just that, chatting among each other. What are you currently watching? Reading? What actor/idol are you currently following? What are you looking forward to? Are you busy writing, creating art? Or did you have no time at all for anything, and are bemoaning that fact?

Whatever it is, talk to us about it here. Tell us what you liked or didn't like, and if you want to talk about spoilery things, please hide them under either of these codes:
or

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Menage à Trois Bingo

karate baguette

Reading

Um what

Harriette continues to be the worst

Thanksgiving

Terrible families!

Geez, this dude....

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The Friday Five for 14 November 2025

Multifandom: Fandomtrees

Bungou Stray Dogs: Dead Dove Week 2026

Multifandom: Wintertime Woes: A No Happy Endings Exchange

Ask a Manager: our board member got scammed

I took a step back and feel like I'm failing

Ask a Manager: I Can't Shake My Crush On a Former Coworker

Topic Tuesday - Character Recasts

I'm offering my next bad event: Bingo!!!

Fic: Word of Honor (Tarlanx)

Small Fandoms/Multifandom: Small Fandoms Fest

Fic: Yin Yáng Shi | The Yin-Yang Master:Dream of Eternity (Tarlanx)

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