Spiraling down

[semperfiona]

I don't really know why but I can feel myself getting more and more depressed today.
Tears seem only a breath away and all I keep thinking is that love is hard, love hurts and wouldn't it be easier to just give it all up? Give up on love and just be Rosa's mommy and nothing else because I don't deserve anything else or am too stupid to know how to keep it. Nobody wants to be around me once they get to know me, I'm a damned idiot at relationships, I can't read body language to know when someone wants affection or wants to be left alone for a while or just wants a little actual space. I suck.

Comments

[mac-arthur-park.livejournal.com]

Tears seem only a breath away and all I keep thinking is that love is hard, love hurts and wouldn't it be easier to just give it all up?

Possibly. But....sometimes the things that hurt the most/are the riskiest are the most valuable.


And as for the rest of your entry...I know how you feel. I get that way, too. More often than I care to admit. I have no advice, except to breathe deeply and be kind to yourself and try to ride the feelings out.

{{{hugs}}} if you want 'em, and if you need a shoulder or an ear, feel free to email me.

AND YOU DON'T SUCK. Got it?

[rednikki.livejournal.com]

*hug* You do deserve to be loved, and I wouldn't give up. Part of love is learning, and sometimes it's hard. I spent a good chunk of this weekend crying over it, but I also learned what I've been doing wrong and started making plans to fix the problem.

Okay, you can't read body language. Well, you're not psychic! I was having the same problem this weekend but apparently in the opposite direction from you (instead of not knowing when people wanted space, I can't tell when people DON'T want me to go away). What I am doing, now, is at least asking "Do you want me to join you?" instead of deciding that I'm supposed to sit and wait in the car, thus completely confusing the people I'm with (for example, not that this might EVER have happened this weekend).

I worry about being too overwhelmingly affectionate, so part of what I do is ask, "Is it OK if I hug you/kiss you/put my hand down your pants" when I'm not sure (which I am not most of the time). Perhaps, since as we have noted you are NOT psychic and shouldn't be expected to be, you should ask occasionally, "Do you want space for a little while?" If they need a bit of breathing room, can you deal with that or will you find it too upsetting?

Another exercise, if you don't want to be so direct - take an hour (or an hour and nineteen minutes, so it seems unplanned even if it isn't) where you let the person you are with take the lead in the physical affection area - let them initiate the hugs/kisses/cuddles, etc. If they don't, it doesn't mean you're a terrible person or they don't want you; it just means they're getting their space.

Please tell me if any of this sounds like the Worst Idea in the World - I'm just brainstorming.

[klwalton.livejournal.com]

*hugs*
I have so been where you are now. All I can say is keep breathing, sweetie. It'll get better. It doesn't help, I know. But you *don't* suck.

[needlegrrl]

(hugs) No one can know all the time. I agree with what people above have said - and I emphatically repeat - you do NOT suck. I like you. And I'll meet you soon, too! You are wnderful.

[jillfelice.livejournal.com]

Hey there Fi, lots of hugs to you today. I have a hard time reading body language too. I am so touchy-feely enthusiastic and that really bothers some people. Hang in there!

[neeuqdrazil.livejournal.com]

*growl* Love, you do deserve love, you deserve all the happiness in the world - you've told me enough times that you should probably start believing it yourself - you deserve to be fucking cherished.

And I do want to be around you more. I want to be around you lots and lots more. And I want to get to know you even better.

And this was only the second time we've ever met in person, and that first time we weren't really paying attention to each other - how were you supposed to know my body language? It takes time to learn people's body language, especially intimate body language. And I wasn't exactly being forthcoming with the explanations, either, hon.

*kiss* I do love you, I *do* want to spend more time with you, and I definitely do want to keep working at this thing we're building between us.

[semperfiona]

We are making something beautiful. I'm having a hard time finding the words for the analogy that is in my mind. But what I'm thinking of is painting, and the fact that black is as much needed as white in order to make a thing of beauty. Shadows and highlights, both.

[ex-devilmus.livejournal.com]

I don't know what else to say other than I love you. You can't give up an just be Rosa's mommy. Then who would be my mommy? (Well, besides that wacky woman who gave birth to me...) I love and adore you and I have for years. You must know, deep down, that you deserve the same love and respect that you give to others.

Some days just suck and hurt so bad you just want to cry. But remember, it will all pass in time. There will be new joys and new pains. Life is ever in transition. Just value the past, look forward to the future, and expirience the present. That's what I've learned, anyway.

I love you, mommy/sissy. ::hugs::

Don't Give Up

[eternaleponine.livejournal.com]

Sometimes love sucks and it hurts and it seems easier to just give up. And then you take a deep breath, accept where you are, and move on.

Don't give up, Fi. We all love you. I have really enjoyed all of our conversations in the past months... almost a year now, scarily enough... and I look forward to more in the future.

No one is perfect, and no one should expect you to be, including yourself. Believe me, it's a hard lesson to learn, and an ongoing one. But you're a worthwhile person, and you deserve love as much as anyone else.

Don't close yourself off; it's the worst thing you can do to yourself.

"...and then the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." -- Anais Nin

[indigobynight.livejournal.com]

~Hugs~ Body languauge is hard. I tend to be a touchy-feely kinda person myself, and sometimes i come away, after having been feeling perfectly natural in my touching-ness, wondering if I made a person feel uncomfortable. We aren't psychic, any of us, as far as I know.Sometimes it justtakes time to learn to read another's signals, sometimes you might have to actually ask what they are feeling/needing. But it's hard, and all a learning/growing thing as you get to know one another.

If ever you need an ear, feel free to IM/email me, I'm a pretty good listener. ~s~

R

PS--and as far as I can tell, you DONT suck. ~s~