(no subject)

[semperfiona]

Mom and Dad called from Peru last night. We talked for quite a while about this and that, but I always end up feeling on edge when I talk to them. There are so many things about my life that they don't know and never can know, things that really really matter to me that I can't share with them. And that hurts. I feel disconnected and lost because I don't have a family I can really trust and rely on. I know they would say they'd do anything for me, and they'd even mean it, but their concept of what that might mean just doesn't encompass me. I'm so completely antithetical to the fundamentalist Christians that they are. But they don't really know that. I think, if anything, they think I'm sort of a lazy or lapsed Christian. And I can't even talk to them about that, let alone the rest of my life.

I'm working on finding a local circle of friends that I can rely on instead, but it seems that I haven't yet found them. I want somebody who'd drop everything for me when I need them, once in a while. I'm tired of being the mother for all my friends; I want someone to mother me a little. Is that so much to ask?