I always knew I was a cat...

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Java

This makes two weeks that I've been working on the big new Java project here at work.

I'm finding that my days are going much faster and I'm feeling much more productive. Even though there are not many results to show for my work, yet, I feel like I'm doing more, learning more, and enjoying it more than I was previously. I really prefer new development, particularly at this early stage of setting the standards, trying things out to see whether they work, and playing with new ideas. Even though I was on the new development team before, it was always constrained within the existing products. This is fun!

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GRRRRR! I just casually mentioned to Ray that sometimes one of us might have to have Rosa babysat even though it was our day for custody, and he wanted to know the personal history of everyone who might ever babysit her. It's none of his business when she's with me! He says, "I'm just concerned for my daughter," like that explains any possible intrusion into my choices. He has to realize that he can't control me nor how I raise her.

How to ruin a good mood in one easy lesson...

Ray just called. He wanted to "drop by the house a couple times a week" after he moves out, and before I move in, to collect his mail. I told him I'd be going over there regularly and I would get his mail for him. And he accused me of being selfish, unwilling to help him in any way (and returned to my refusal to give his mortgage company my loan papers, my unwillingness to answer the third degree about babysitters...) while claiming that he himself is a paragon of virtue and helpfulness because he's going to be at the house when the gas people come to read out the meter and connect it in my name. He already had an appointment because they had to do a final reading for him anyway!

I kept trying to tell him that I felt like he was invading my personal life, in the first and second cases, and showing distrust of my ability to take care of Rosa, in the third, but he would not hear any of it, just went on about how defensive I was and how I was making this so difficult. He finished by announcing, "I don't think our friendship is ever going to develop." I just said I didn't know, though I was thinking that if it doesn't it will be his fault.

And I had been in such a happy mood...I called Liz this evening ::wavies::, and then I was happily putting together a jigsaw puzzle. Now I'm tense again.

Am I out of line not to want him in my house, especially when I'm not there? All I could think of was that his presence would undo what I hope to accomplish with my purification and protection rituals, and also that I just don't want him there.