(no subject)
Nov. 4th, 2002 10:07 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
semperfionaIt's just one of those internet forwards, but it's a good one. I laughed so hard that tears came to my eyes.
> After every flight, pilots complete a gripe sheet
> which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered
> with the aircraft during the flight that need repair
> or correction. The form is a piece of paper that the
> pilot completes, and then the mechanics read and
> correct the problem.
>
> They then respond in writing on the lower half of the
> form what remedial action was taken and the pilot
> reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.
>
> Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers
> lack a sense of humor.
>
> Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and
> problems, as submitted by Quantas pilots, and the
> solutions recorded by maintenance engineers. By the
> way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never
> had an accident.
>
> P = The problem logged by the pilot.
> S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.
>
>
> P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
> S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
>
> P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
> S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
>
> P: Something loose in cockpit.
> S: Something tightened in cockpit.
>
> P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> S: Live bugs on back-order.
>
> P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 fpm
> descent.
> S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
>
> P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> S: Evidence removed.
>
> P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
> S: DME volume set to more believable level.
>
> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
> S: That's what they're there for.
>
> P: IFF inoperative.
> S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>
> P: Suspected crack in windshield.
> S: Suspect you're right.
>
> P: Number 3 engine missing.
> S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
>
> P: Aircraft handles funny.
> S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and
> be serious.
>
> P: Target radar hums.
> S: Reprogrammed target radar with words.
>
> P: Mouse in cockpit.
> S: Cat installed.
> After every flight, pilots complete a gripe sheet
> which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered
> with the aircraft during the flight that need repair
> or correction. The form is a piece of paper that the
> pilot completes, and then the mechanics read and
> correct the problem.
>
> They then respond in writing on the lower half of the
> form what remedial action was taken and the pilot
> reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.
>
> Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers
> lack a sense of humor.
>
> Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and
> problems, as submitted by Quantas pilots, and the
> solutions recorded by maintenance engineers. By the
> way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never
> had an accident.
>
> P = The problem logged by the pilot.
> S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.
>
>
> P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
> S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
>
> P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
> S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
>
> P: Something loose in cockpit.
> S: Something tightened in cockpit.
>
> P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> S: Live bugs on back-order.
>
> P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 fpm
> descent.
> S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
>
> P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> S: Evidence removed.
>
> P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
> S: DME volume set to more believable level.
>
> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
> S: That's what they're there for.
>
> P: IFF inoperative.
> S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>
> P: Suspected crack in windshield.
> S: Suspect you're right.
>
> P: Number 3 engine missing.
> S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
>
> P: Aircraft handles funny.
> S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and
> be serious.
>
> P: Target radar hums.
> S: Reprogrammed target radar with words.
>
> P: Mouse in cockpit.
> S: Cat installed.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2002-11-04 09:22 am (UTC)> P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
> S: DME volume set to more believable level.
>
> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
> S: That's what they're there for.
These two have always cracked my happy ass up. :)
no subject
Date: 2002-11-04 09:30 am (UTC)>P: Mouse in cockpit.
>S: Cat installed.
and
>P: Number 3 engine missing.
>S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
but they all crack me up.
no subject
Date: 2002-11-04 10:32 am (UTC)> Problem #1: "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."
> Solution #1: "#2 Propeller seepage normal."
> Problem #2: "#1, #3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage."
>
> Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
> Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."
>
My favourite was the Cat installed one :-)
no subject
Date: 2002-11-05 12:30 am (UTC)Yeah, this one cracks me up every time too