semperfiona | Fragile...

I don't know what to think. Jen's in a very bad mood, I know that. But instead of letting me love her, she tells me that I've never known her in the kind of bad mood she thinks she's heading for, and that she doesn't want to put me through dealing with her like that. All I can say to her is "I love you", and it doesn't help. I know what I mean, and I mean thick or thin, but she doesn't seem to accept that.
When it comes to the hard parts she pushes me away so she can suffer alone. That's not what I want. I want to be there for her, to be the one she calls on. And she doesn't let me.
I really ought to post this publicly, so she could read it if she wants to. But I'm afraid to. Afraid of making things worse. Afraid that while this might otherwise blow over after a few days or weeks, as things usually do, that this time it's permanent.

Update 1-8-02: I changed my mind and made this public, after the first three comments were posted. I did not edit or change any of the preceding, though my emotions have settled down a good deal since I wrote it originally. I'm trying to be more open about myself and my feelings, and this journal is a big part of that process. Jen, my love, if you do read this, I'm just writing my own feelings. I'm not subtly trying to ask you for anything. I trust you and I trust our relationship. I will be here.