(no subject)

[semperfiona]

Ray, and his parents, have a very irritating method of "disciplining" Rosa when she's dilatory about making ready to leave. "Mommy's going to leave without you, Rosa!"

Today, I called him on it. "I don't like you saying that to Rosa."

"It's the logical consequence." (Which is one of those phrases used by some parenting instruction book we read. You know, the punishment should be a logical consequence of the misbehavior.)

"No, it is not. I'm never ever ever going to do that."

"Don't correct me in my house."

"I did not. I said I do not like it." And I don't. It's not just because it's a threat that will never be followed through on, and worse yet a secondhand threat, but it imputes horrid motives to me that are not mine.

I think I'll have to tell him his "logical consequences" threats are not to state anything about *MY* actions.

Comments

[gasslight.livejournal.com]

That was a threat I deliberately did not use on my kids either. My ex was gone from their lives and I thought they had enough people leaving them. I never wanted to them to think that *I* might leave them behind.

Good for you.

[lightning-rose.livejournal.com]

Perhaps you could ask the butthead Ray what his reaction would be if you explained to Rosa that that's simply not going to happen and she should ignore him when he says that.

On the other hand, for my adult family members the only way I can get my dad some of them moving is to announce in a loud voice that I'm leaving in n minutes and if anyone wants a ride they should be in the car at that time.

[klwalton.livejournal.com]

Perhaps you could ask the butthead Ray what his reaction would be if you explained to Rosa that that's simply not going to happen and she should ignore him when he says that.

To hell with asking Ray what his reaction would be. Just tell Rosa it's *not* ever going to happen, period.

Grr. Some people's kids...

[red-frog.livejournal.com]

Gah. Kids are already afraid enough that those they love and are utterly dependent on are going to leave them. That's a HORRIBLE threat to use on someone who's dawdling brushing her teeth.

[beckyzoole.livejournal.com]

What's sad is that abandonment is the logical consequence in his world -- using his logic, that's what would happen. {shudder}

What is the logical consequence of Rosa dawdling, though? Mommy will be upset with you could be one, but again that makes you the bad guy. Yeah, he really can't say anything about your actions when he's making his "logical consequences" threat.

Here's a thought, though. Could Rosa be dawdling because you wait there with Ray while she's getting ready, and she wants you and Ray to spend time together? Kids often go to great lengths to try to make Mommy & Daddy a couple again, even when they know it won't work. Maybe if you simply stayed in the car and waited for her there, she'd start moving a little faster.

[sashajwolf.livejournal.com]

I think that last thought might be right on the money.

Another "logical consequence" might be something like "... you won't have time for a [story before bed/bedtime drink/favourite TV show] when you get home", or something along those lines.

[bbwoof.livejournal.com]

You might point out to Ray that when he makes a threat in your name, ascribing motives that are not yours, he is slandering you. Further, he is poisoning your relationship with your daughter. Ask him what are the logical consequences -- to him -- of slander.

What's sauce for the goose...