semperfiona: (three)
As long-time readers are aware, except for a couple of individuals, I'm not precisely out at work. I talk about everybody in my life, I just don't use relationship tags for anyone. People get called by name when I talk about them, which I do regularly, often in contexts like 'we're going to visit Tammie's cousin' or 'Chris's parents are coming to see us' or 'we all went to see the Hobbit at that new dinner theater' or whatever.

But today, Thuy had come to ask me some work-related questions. She saw our family picture on my desk, and she asked me who the picture was. For some reason I don't comprehend, I just said, 'that's my girlfriend and my boyfriend and my daughter and me'. She made me repeat myself several times, asking 'her boyfriend' and things like that, and I just repeated the original statement or replaced 'my' with 'our'. I'm pretty sure she went away thinking I was taking the piss, despite the absolute and complete truth of every word.

People see what they want to see.
semperfiona: (kiss)
Mai prezdint, let me sho u him.






Tuesday was a very emotional day. Driving to work, listening to NPR as usual, I started crying every time they interviewed an ordinary Joe or Jane about their experiences. Didn't get an opportunity to watch the inauguration festivities myself, even though $COMPANY had a big-screen set up for the purpose: too busy. This may be for the best, as a face covered in tears, even happy hopeful ones, is not the professional image I try to project.

Then I cried the next day at my lunch table while reading the text of Obama's inauguration speech.

Still haven't watched any of the ceremonies beyond what's been on the regular news coverage. Chris tivoed it though, so I will do that soon.




Wednesday I printed out a copy of +Gene Robinson's invocation from Sunday and stuck it to my cubicle wall, where it remains. I made another one and stuck it on the wall in the break room, but that one has mysteriously disappeared. I'm not really surprised; I expected that to happen. After all, when I occasionally find anonymous copies of homophobic, racist or sexist nonsense posted or left on tables in the breakrooms, or still on the printer, I throw them in the wastebasket immediately like the trash they are. I suspect the anonymous leaver of such things found Bishop Robinson's prayer offensive and did likewise.




Wednesday night was the $COMPANY service awards banquet. I have just completed ten years of service (officially--I worked a year for them as a contractor prior to that), so I was up for an award. When the invitation came, Chris said, "I went with you last time so you should take your girlfriend. It's her turn." After some trepidation, we decided to do just that.

Spent a goodly part of Wednesday afternoon agonizing over the just-right fashion choices, including a purchase of new shoes for each of us, and ended up wearing velvet dresses and tall shoes. Tall enough that I could look Chris in the eye.

Coworkers were...daunted, I think. Everyone was very nice to Tammie, whom I introduced as "my girlfriend Tammie". I let people think that meant whatever they liked to think it meant. It did make one person eat his words, though. He said, "something-something your friend," where we were going to leave it, but then he asked how we know each other. Tammie said, "Um, we live together." He recovered well, though, following up with "and how did you meet?"

I am gratified, for the purpose of my continued employment, that I did not think of the obvious response to "how do you know each other?" until the next evening. Somehow I don't think "carnally" would have been a good choice of riposte under the circumstances.

I didn't sleep very well that night, in part due to temperature issues with the heat in the house, and in part because I was nervous about work the next day. I know what a rumor mill this place is, and I was concerned that people would have been gossiping about me. *shrug* They may well have, but it's been two days now and I haven't heard a single word of it. Either people are minding their own business, they interpreted 'girlfriend' according to their heterocentric mindset as 'close female buddy', or they're managing some really quiet talk that hasn't yet reached any of my closest friends.




I got nuthin else. I just like to say "President Obama".
semperfiona: (Default)
I love my parents dearly, but they are so far different from me that we might as well live on different planets, not just different continents. I'm pagan, bi, and poly, recently divorced. They're deeply devout fundamental Christians, serving as missionaries in Peru, monogamously married for 36 years now. I just received a message from my father saying "Rejoice with us! We have a new sister in the kingdom!". I replied by changing the subject completely and talking about my job.

I can't even bring myself to tell them that I'm not a Christian anymore, let alone the more difficult things like my sexuality or my relationship with Jen. I suppose because I don't want them to stop loving me, or what would almost be worse, to try to "bring me back to the Lord". I'd rather just not share a full connection than threaten what remains by coming out to them. I don't trust them to accept me for what I truly am.

I'm almost 34 years old, and I'm afraid of my parents. It's painful to admit, but it's true. I don't think that will ever change.

::sigh::

Dec. 20th, 2001 11:32 pm
semperfiona: (Default)
No Christmas with Jen, at least not on Christmas Day. Family obligations...That hurts. I want to be her family, or part of it anyway. But we're a secret, and it sucks.
It sucks all the time, but it particularly sucks on holidays, because it's a time that I really want to be with her, and I can't. I know she loves me, I have to believe that, but it's lonely and hard being alone when I want to be with her. I wish she would just tell them that she wanted me to be there, or better yet that she wanted to spend the time with just me, but she doesn't want to rock the boat. And I can't really push her, because I won't tell my family either. My family don't live here, though, and I am not going to visit any of them at Christmas. I can't really afford to. So I'm on my own.
I won't actually be alone on Christmas, I'll go spend it with Marina and have a good time, but I'll still be missing Jen. Marina's family are very welcoming and have always treated me like I belonged, as long as I've known her (10 years now...that's scary).

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