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Mom and Dad called from Peru last night. We talked for quite a while about this and that, but I always end up feeling on edge when I talk to them. There are so many things about my life that they don't know and never can know, things that really really matter to me that I can't share with them. And that hurts. I feel disconnected and lost because I don't have a family I can really trust and rely on. I know they would say they'd do anything for me, and they'd even mean it, but their concept of what that might mean just doesn't encompass me. I'm so completely antithetical to the fundamentalist Christians that they are. But they don't really know that. I think, if anything, they think I'm sort of a lazy or lapsed Christian. And I can't even talk to them about that, let alone the rest of my life.

I'm working on finding a local circle of friends that I can rely on instead, but it seems that I haven't yet found them. I want somebody who'd drop everything for me when I need them, once in a while. I'm tired of being the mother for all my friends; I want someone to mother me a little. Is that so much to ask?

Time for the Friday Five

Wow. Three different Friday Fives this week...I'm just picking one.

1. What music do you like to listen to?

I listen to and enjoy just about everything, though when left to my own devices (ie not suggested by someone else) I tend to choose either pop or classical. Most of the time I listen to NPR in the car, and I don't play music at home nearly as much as I'd like. I grew up with music on in the house almost continuously (my father is a big classical and ethnic music fan), but Ray was always turning the music off, and I got out of the habit of listening. Even now that I'm living on my own I still don't think to play anything, though I own a couple of hundred CD's.

Who is your favorite artist/band? Why?

I suppose my favorite band would be U2, though I have been somewhat disillusioned by their more recent work. Still, they're the ones I've seen in concert the most times.

2. What music do you not like to listen to? Why?

Rap. I think it's mostly that I can't follow the words without concentrating too hard, and also words don't stick in my head without a strong melody to back them up, so I prefer music with, well, music.

Have your musical tastes changed over the years?

Yes. I started out listening to what my dad listened to--classical and ethnic stuff, as mentioned--then gradually moved into listening to the things my friends were listening to. In junior high and high school, that was mostly contemporary Christian rock, believe it or not, but eventually 80's rock and glam metal.

3. When you were a teenager, who was the artist or band that ruled your life? You know, turned you into misunderstood, screaming teeny-bopper? What were some of the more crazy things you did to profess your affection for this artist or band?

Bon Jovi. I wasn't quite as bad as my best friend, who wanted to lose her virginity to Jon Bon Jovi, but I did have about seven posters of the boys hanging in my dorm room.

4. What is "your song"? Why? Quote a bit of lyrics, if you'd like, to demonstrate your connectedness to this piece.

Robynn Ragland's "People You Know".

It's the people you know, the people who knew you
And wherever you go, they're the ones who get to you
They get in your head - in your dreams - in your soul
They're the people, the people, the people you know

5. Who's your guilty pleasure? Recommend a song or album to persuade others that this artist or band is worth a bit of extra attention.

Hm. "Peter, Paul, and Mommy" for great sing-along kids' songs that are silly fun for grownups too.

I'm being swallowed by a boa constrictor...