Today's movies

( Y Tu Mama Tambien )

( Men in Black II )

I love it when Jen calls and asks me to go do something with her. Sometimes I feel like I'm always asking her, and I wonder if I'm being pushy.

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I've been thinking about Marina today. I haven't seen her in several weeks, and the last time was only for half an hour or so. I gave her some of my no-longer-needed baby stuff for her new little girl, due...any minute? I don't even remember when the baby is due. Bad friend. No biscuit.

So since I'm thinking all this, I called her. Left a voice message inviting her to dinner on Wednesday.

Anyway, I'm kind of ambivalent. She was my best friend for a long time, and I love her to pieces, but for some reason, maybe because my friendship with her started about the same time as my relationship with Ray, I think I've been subconsciously avoiding her. I've never felt comfortable coming out to her, and she doesn't even know about Jen. Why is that? Well, at first I was keeping it a secret simply because, well, I was still married to Ray. Now...maybe it's just that I don't know how to go about saying "Oh, by the way, you don't know this but I've been dating a girl for the last three years," without her feeling like I've been hiding things from her (which of course I have been, though I'm not sure why). And I'm also not entirely sure how she would take it. She's not as conservative as she always let Ray believe, but she is also the only one of my friends of whom he approved. And that in itself makes an unpleasant association. Funny thing, that: I can remember him telling me she was a bad influence on me--I think because there were a couple occasions on which I went to her house, we drank too much for me to drive home, and I stayed overnight--but towards the end of our marriage he was saying she was the only one of my friends he liked. I had started to accumulate a collection of ever-weirder (by his standards) friends, and he didn't like any of them.

I don't really know how to get out of this morass of ambivalence I've fallen into about her. I guess making an effort to simply spend more time with her would help, though I know that with the new baby coming she won't have much free time. Sigh.

(no subject)

And on the subject of Ray. He has taken to telling me how good I look whenever he sees me--no matter what I'm wearing or whether or not I've even combed my hair. And if I'm dressed nicely, like yesterday morning when I was wearing a new sundress, he asks if I'm going out. "Well, yeah, in a while."

He told me Sunday morning, "I know I shouldn't find you attractive anymore, but I still do." This comment made me frown internally. I no longer do find him attractive, but that is because I concentrate far more on personality than appearance, and his personality no longer appeals to me. Still, I thought it was rather against human nature to think that someone once found beautiful--physically--would, without changing in any external way, suddenly not be. And why shouldn't he still find me attractive? Just finding someone attractive doesn't require any action from him!

(no subject)

Why yes, I am bored. I went to ask one of our technical people for help with something, and he still hasn't shown up. Not terribly unusual for him, but I'm stuck and I really need the assistance. My problem seems to be attributable to some changes he made last week. So what do I do in the meantime? I can go bother him again, but as I write that I can hear his voice: he's working with someone else.

So what do I do in the meantime? What I've been doing whenever I'm stuck like this and waiting on someone else: write LJ entries and comments, follow every remotely work-safe link supplied by mactavish or others, take surveys (watch for a couple of those posts coming Real Soon Now), obsessively check email (even though I'm not particularly expecting anything--though a reply from Rachel is probably due about now--and why is wombat so damnably quiet when I want to be entertained? Yeah, I know, start a conversation. I have to think of something to say.), respond instantly to moves in my games at It's Your Turn, and if I get really really bored, as well as daring (since I sit right outside the office of the department vice president), play Collapse or one of the other games at Yahoo! Games.

Oh, and one other online timesuck: Kajitani's Paint by Numbers site.

(no subject)

10 Currents, from dyanearden
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The long one, last seen on aliciar's journal
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(no subject)

Small accomplishment of the day: I convinced Rosa to watch Dumbo instead of The Tigger Movie.