Laclede Gas

My nastygram succeeded. I just talked to the customer service supervisor, and he simply said "I'm going to wipe out that balance. Disregard any more bills that come from that account." So easy!

Something I've been pondering, on and off

I seem to start a lot of my entries with "well" or "so", as if I were diffidently trying to get someone's attention during a conversation. If I notice, I usually erase it and rewrite in order to sound more confident and because after all, this journal is for me, not my Loyal Readers (as much as I appreciate all of you). I think I often do the same thing in email.

This behavior seems to originate from my fear of making a nuisance of myself, of being intrusive where I'm not wanted, of barging into other people's conversations. I think some of it derives from my socialization as a girl-child, but I'm a recovering shy person too. I don't know which came first. I think my shyness comes also from a lot of vicious childhood teasing. I never fit in; finding places where I do fit in has been one of the wonders of my adult life.

I sometimes call myself a shy extrovert. It sounds contradictory, but what I mean is that while I find it difficult and something_scary to meet new people and do new things or to be in a crowd of strangers, contrariwise I get energized by spending time in company with people with whom I already have a connection. I enjoy time alone, and need it, but I also need people.

I have a theory that shyness/gregariousness and extroversion/introversion are actually orthogonal. There are shy extroverts, gregarious introverts (I think Ray was one of these: he became the class/group clown when in a large group, as a way of defending himself from the pressure of people), and so on.

These things have made me mostly a lurker for much of my online life, though recently I have made more effort to damn my imagined torpedoes and jump in with both feet. It has been successful, by and large, if difficult at times. Wombat in particular is a welcoming environment where I've found this easier. Usenet was always difficult for me; I suppose having my second- or third-ever post spawn a flamewar left me fearful of engaging there.

But why should this affect even my own journaling? People obviously want to read my writing, or they wouldn't be adding me as a friend. So why do I temporize?

(no subject)

Today's scariness was calling the gas company to return their call about my complaint. Once I got through, the call itself was a piece of cake (and they often are, though the call which prompted my complaint was hellish). What made it horribly difficult was that I had to keep trying about six times before I got through to the customer service person. Screw up my courage once, make the call, be disappointed. And again. And again. Lather rinse repeat.

Telephone phobia. Eep.

Easily amused...

Cow-orker 1: "Ah, the old stateless cache."
Cow-orker 2: "That's my wallet."
Me: "Mine's a cashless state."